It can be difficult to stand by and watch as a loved one struggles with mental health or addictive behaviors. As someone who cares for them, you want to help. But, people who struggle with mental health or addiction don’t always want help.
If that is the case for you, what are you supposed to do? You can’t force someone into treatment (unless they meet certain criteria in the Mental Health Act). They have to choose to take the first step and want to get help for help to be truly effective.
At Rooted and Rising we have compiled a list of tips for friends and family to follow when a loved one refuses help for their addiction or other mental health struggles:
1.) Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements when you talk to them — It is easy to get defensive when your loved one hears you saying “you need to get help,” or “you have a problem,” or “you really should do something to fix this.” Instead, say things like “I am worried about you,” “I think it might be helpful to talk to someone about how you are feeling.” It switches the tone to your feelings and observations rather than being accusatory.
2.) Educate yourself — It is hard to help or be supportive of a loved one if you don’t know much about mental health and/or addiction. Learn as much as you can so you can be a good support system. Plus if your loved one sees you making the effort to learn more, they might take you more seriously.
3.) Encourage them to seek support — When you talk to your loved one encourage them to see their family doctor or seek the help of a mental health professional. Use the first tip as a guide to how to talk to them.
4.) Take care of yourself — Get support for yourself. Seek out therapy or counseling services for yourself and your other family members so you have someone to lean on. This is a stressful time for you and them, also. Practice self-care. Make time to meet your needs. Don’t spend so much time trying to take care of this loved one that you forget to care for yourself. Don’t be afraid to take breaks from your loved one. It is a lot to be around someone who isn’t taking care of themselves.
Practice stress relief, things like taking a walk, breathing techniques, mindfulness, yoga, taking a bath, etc. Ask for help when you need it. You don’t have to do this all on your own.
5.) Set boundaries — It can be easy to let someone who is struggling with mental health or addiction walk all over you. They might need money or someone to constantly take care of their children or family. They might call you at all hours of the night or show up unannounced. Determine what your boundaries are and stick to them. You need space too.
6.) Support other family members — Addiction and severe mental health issues impact everyone around the sufferer, children especially. Be a support system for others that are impacted. Stand together. Lean on each other. Get children help from school social workers or counseling professionals.
7.) Know the warning signs — As difficult as it is to think someone you care deeply about might harm themselves, it is important to know the warning signs of suicide and self-harm. Things like disconnecting from friends and family, obtaining weapons or other tools for self-harm, saying goodbyes, romanticizing suicide, etc. can all be warning signs. Visit the Suicide Prevention Lifeline for more information.
8.) Prepare for crisis — No one can predict exactly when a person’s breaking point will come, and no one can be completely prepared. But, having some crisis tools in place will help if it comes to that point. Things like a childcare plan, location of the nearest hospital, number of the local police station, doctor information, and family members/friends who can be contacted.
It is incredibly painful and stressful to watch someone you care deeply about not show themselves self-love and care. It is hard to live in fear that they will hurt themselves or others. It may feel like your hands are tied when they refuse help but you can support them by following the tips above. Most importantly — take care of yourself.
If you are struggling with caring for a loved one who won’t care for themselves, consider seeking the help of a licensed mental health professional. Through counseling and therapy, you can learn coping tools to fit your life.
Ready to begin counseling in PA?
The professionally trained and licensed counselors at Rooted & Rising Therapy in Pittsburgh have openings. Our practice specializes in treating individuals through years of experience, we’re confident that no problem is too great to overcome. Through therapy, there is always a way to address the issues you face and learn coping strategies to help you both right now and in the future. Just call our office at (412) 228-8489 or email us at info@rootedandrisingtherapy.com to get started to feeling better today. We are here for you.