The holiday season can be a great time filled with love, laughter, fun events, and family togetherness. But, it can also be stressful and overwhelming. Setting boundaries with friends and family during the holiday season (and beyond) can help to keep your sanity and keep relationships in your life healthy. Healthy boundaries will also help you to have the best holiday season possible.
The amount of family togetherness this time of the year can feel a bit much at times. You go the rest of the year without seeing your family but once in a while for a birthday party or event but then you see them all in tight quarters several times in a month, it can be a lot.
At Rooted & Rising, our therapists regularly work with individuals in Pennsylvania who are struggling with family dynamics and boundaries. Our trained counselors are here to help with tips to benefit your mental health.
Remember, boundaries keep you safe
Oftentimes people are afraid to set boundaries in fear of making others mad. But, boundaries aren’t about others they are about keeping you safe. If someone does get angry about a boundary you have set, that likely represents an unresolved issue they are dealing with. That being said, boundaries should not be so firm that they harm relationships. They should be a healthy balance.
Establish off-limit topics and come prepared
There are several heated topics that if they come up can easily unravel an evening of togetherness. Before attending a family gathering, establish what some of those off-limit topics for you might be and how you will respond if they come up. You can say things like “I prefer to not talk about this right now” or “this isn’t the time or place.” It can also be helpful to tell family members ahead of time what you will and will not tolerate. If there is a topic you don’t feel comfortable discussing at this event, call them ahead of time and explain your concerns.
Make a list of topic ideas or questions you can ask people if things get uncomfortable. This can help to keep conversations positive and light-hearted.
Do what is right for you
Holiday travel and hosting can cause a lot of unnecessary stress. Examine your feelings and stressors before committing to plans so you can figure out what is best for your household. If you have too much going on this year and don’t want to host a gathering, let people know and come up with another plan. If traveling to multiple houses on one day is too stressful, then suggest that you spread out the gatherings over a couple of days.
Shut down the negative self-talk
Who cares if your Uncle Charlie doesn’t like the color of your hair? Seeing family members that you haven’t seen in a while, who might not agree with your life choices can be stressful. Be careful how you talk to yourself and shut down any negative self-talk. It doesn’t matter what these other people think of your choices. What matters is how you feel about them. Before you visit with family get your self-talk in check. And, as mentioned above, have some responses handy.
Be open
Ignoring your feelings to keep everyone else happy, only leads to resentment. Instead of “sucking it up” for the good of the group, share your feelings and concerns with trusted family members and determine a plan that works for everyone.
Focus on what really matters
Holiday stress can easily get in the way of what really matters. Before getting together with family ask yourself why you want to see these people? Why are these gatherings important? What do you hope to get out of them? Then focus on that. Try to keep things in perspective and to keep things as positive as possible.
If you are struggling with how to set boundaries this holiday season and beyond, a counselor or therapist can help. They can give you the tools that fit your life.
Ready to begin counseling in PA?
The professionally trained and licensed counselors at Rooted & Rising Therapy in Pittsburgh have openings. Our practice specializes in treating individuals through years of experience, we’re confident that no problem is too great to overcome. Through therapy, there is always a way to address the issues you face and learn coping strategies to help you both right now and in the future. Just call our office at (412) 228-8489 or email us at info@rootedandrisingtherapy.com to get started to feeling better today. We are here for you.