I have this really great app on my phone called ACTcompanion. It’s a tool that came from the book “The Happiness Trap” by Dr. Russ Harris. I used it in therapy because it’s a great way of helping people to determine their values. One of the exercises I use, asks the following questions:
- Who do you most admire or consider role-models in your life?
- What are some of the common qualities of the people you admire?
- What are your most significant roles in life (e.g. husband, daughter, friend, student)
- What values would you place before each of these roles (e.g. loving mother, loyal friend, attentive husband)
- What brings you the most joy, satisfaction, or pride?
- If you had enough wealth to fulfill all your material desires, what would you choose to do with your life?
- What would you be willing to risk your life for?
- What motivates you to overcome adversity?
After you answer these questions, identify 3-5 core values that you have discovered. I will define values as the app does as “…not goals that can be achieved (like getting married or getting a job), but qualities that can be expressed (like honesty or kindness).”
Let’s say that your values are:
- generous
- intelligent
- creative
- reliable
- honest
Ask yourself, am I living my life in a way that is moving me towards being generous? And maybe your answer is “yes; I take my grandmother to the grocery store each week, I donate to causes that are important to me regularly and I volunteer at the hospital.” Remember, what you see as being generous may look different than what someone else does.
Then maybe you get to creative and you say “I like to write and sing but I haven’t done either of those things in a long time.” So maybe you feel like you are not honoring and moving towards that value. So ask yourself, what small step can I take to move towards that value.
Chances are, if you are moving in the direction of all or most of your identified values, you probably are feeling pretty content in your life. If you are not, then you probably have a feeling of dissatisfaction. If you are feeling dissatisfied and are not honoring and moving towards your values, don’t judge yourself. Be grateful that you realized it and get curious about why that has happened and what you can do to shift things in your life a bit. Take small steps and celebrate those steps. And when you do something to move in that direction, be present and pay attention to how you feel. Reflect on it and notice how good it feels.
Lauren