I have two little boys. Both of them are “mommy’s boys” and we have a great connection. They adore my husband but if given the choice to do anything with me, they will take it. I have said to my husband, as the boys both cuddle with me, that I know my time is limited and that it won’t always be this way.
I am getting a taste of that and it hit me pretty hard. It was Sunday morning and both boys declared that they were staying home with their dad rather than go to church with me. I reminded them that it was a nice day and that we could play at the park afterwards but they persisted in that they would hang out with daddy at home. I shrugged and got in the car with the feeling of freedom but a little disappointment. See, when I go by myself, it is much easier to get where I need to be and less distracting, but it was strange. I returned home with a brief acknowledgement from all of my guys but they continued to do what they were doing. Finally, after almost begging, both boys joined me at the park down the street from our house while their dad took advantage of the weather and continued with some outside chores.
At the park, I found myself running around and playing hide n seek with them rather than watching from a bench. I even suggested that we go on an adventure into the woods. I did this without thought but surprised myself by my energy and enthusiasm. It seemed to connect in my body before it did in my mind but I realized that I have to try with them now. I alternated between being a stay at home mom and working part time throughout their lives. They had lots of time with me until my oldest started school full time this year. I didn’t really have to make an effort to have time with them.
I realized that their activities of interest will not naturally be my own. Sure, I could see it as just a part of life and continue doing as I do while they begin to grow and change but then what? If I don’t go into the woods with them and learn to play some of their video games; if I don’t sit and watch the movie that isn’t really my interest; if I don’t listen to stories about superhero adventures or sit and build Legos with them and I watch from the window as they kick the soccer ball in the back yard rather than participating, then what?
It is different for their dad in many ways. As they get older, the shared interests will likely grow but what about mom? My relationship with them and my husband is the most important relationship in the world to me so I can’t just sit back. And do you want to know what I’ve learned? I have learned that I can take a moment to meditate while they throw rocks in the shallow water in the woods. I learned that it’s really hard not to swear when you are playing “Super Mario Brothers” and Mario dies in the same spot again. I learned that I can get better at throwing a ball and building Legos because I’m practicing right along with them. I learned that my 6 year old has the same childhood concern of finding a dead body in the woods that I used to when I was young. I learned that my 4 year old can sit and focus on a task for a much longer when I engage in it with him. I learned that I’m a pretty good play mate despite the story that I have created up until this point.
Yes, making three meals a day, doing homework, school drop offs and pick ups, volunteering, working and nurturing my business, baths and bed and hair cuts and extra curricular activities and birthday parties all take up a lot of time. But if I don’t join them in what they are interested in doing, then what?
Lauren =)