“Were you brave or did you cry?” she asked as my son held up his arm with his bright orange band aid. Landon told her that he had to have blood work done earlier that day. He paused, confused by the question, and then answered “I cried.” I chimed in “yes you did cry and you were so brave because you did something that was really hard for you to do.”
This isn’t the first time a conversation like this was had with my oldest son. A nurse once told him to “be brave like your little brother was. He didn’t cry.” when Landon was next up for a vaccination.
We are doing our children a disservice when we say that being brave means that you power through and don’t get scared. Being brave is not that at all, at least not for me. Being brave is when we do hard things despite being afraid. Being brave is getting blood work done when you are afraid and even when you cry though it. Being brave is having that tough conversation with your partner as tears well up in your eyes. Being brave is calling to make the appointment for that test that might give you news that you don’t want to hear. Being brave is quitting that job or starting that business and questioning yourself over and over about whether or not it was the right decision. Being brave is writing the e-mail, making the phone call, setting up the meeting, having the conversation, taking the test, applying for the job, getting up on the stage, leaving a relationship, entering into a relationship, having a baby, saying goodbye, saying hello, taking the class, advocating for yourself or your loved one. I don’t care if you cry, vomit or collapse. Doings things that are hard or uncomfortable are brave. And if you do these things and still don’t feel brave, then just know that I believe you are brave and I will hold that space for you until you believe it yourself.
Lauren